WHY?! WhY?! Why must I feel overwhelmed by all this artistic talent that's around? I've been browsing pages like Zbrush community, CGhub, Polycount, Game Artisans, hell even Deviantart, and I want to just throw my computer out the window. So about last night or morning-I can't quite recall. I've been pulling all nighters so days are kind of meshing for me-I began to just sketch SOMETHING because I wanted to paint. Didn't care what it was really, as long as I got to paint.

So I slapped my Eros character together and decided, I want to see if I can mimic Hyung Tae Kim's style-because he is my contemporary coloring hero, and now I've losing motivation. After all, I wanted to see some peoples techinques on painting wings right, so i run into ImagineFX (love that magazine) and I'm like damn I want to paint something realistic. And then I run into something on Zbrush and think, damn now I want to zbrush something. And then I run into wireframes in Max, and I'm like damn, I want to model something. AND then I see rendered stuff and I'm like damn I want to put some stuff in the Unreal engine!

It's so much that I'm losing concentration on one task because I want to be able to prove myself as a competent artist which i have not been lately. And it's all because of my roots of creativity that have been severely damaged these past years. So I'm like okay, I got the Artists Way, Thinking like Leonardo Da Vinci, and morning pages...

AND I'M NOT UTILIZING any of it! Instead I've been watching those 2hour specials on This Emotional Life which is awesome.

Don't you just hate how your creativity is intertwined with your life? AT least, it is for me at this point and I absolutely despise it. I mean most of the time I'm elated but lately...naaaaah. I can't concentrate. And so what do I do? I sketch something anime and it makes me want to burn my sketchbook.

I love drawing it-it's easy for me. I like making expressions and clothes. But I don't JUST want to do that or JUST be known for that. So I'm livid. But at the same time when I draw it I'm very happy. I'm torn inside! TORN! SHATTERED! I have no idea how I'm going to concentrate on this stuff, and I have no idea if I'll ever finish something, and I totally want to join all those online websites but I have NOTHING to show for it. NOTHING! Not like this awesome artist, Hyung Tae Kim. T_T

*sob!!!!* I HATE THIS LIFE!!!

....not really. But I'm pretty pissed right now.However this song is pretty uplifting. GO NARUTO!