WHY?! WhY?! Why must I feel overwhelmed by all this artistic talent that's around? I've been browsing pages like Zbrush community, CGhub, Polycount, Game Artisans, hell even Deviantart, and I want to just throw my computer out the window. So about last night or morning-I can't quite recall. I've been pulling all nighters so days are kind of meshing for me-I began to just sketch SOMETHING because I wanted to paint. Didn't care what it was really, as long as I got to paint.

So I slapped my Eros character together and decided, I want to see if I can mimic Hyung Tae Kim's style-because he is my contemporary coloring hero, and now I've losing motivation. After all, I wanted to see some peoples techinques on painting wings right, so i run into ImagineFX (love that magazine) and I'm like damn I want to paint something realistic. And then I run into something on Zbrush and think, damn now I want to zbrush something. And then I run into wireframes in Max, and I'm like damn, I want to model something. AND then I see rendered stuff and I'm like damn I want to put some stuff in the Unreal engine!

It's so much that I'm losing concentration on one task because I want to be able to prove myself as a competent artist which i have not been lately. And it's all because of my roots of creativity that have been severely damaged these past years. So I'm like okay, I got the Artists Way, Thinking like Leonardo Da Vinci, and morning pages...

AND I'M NOT UTILIZING any of it! Instead I've been watching those 2hour specials on This Emotional Life which is awesome.

Don't you just hate how your creativity is intertwined with your life? AT least, it is for me at this point and I absolutely despise it. I mean most of the time I'm elated but lately...naaaaah. I can't concentrate. And so what do I do? I sketch something anime and it makes me want to burn my sketchbook.

I love drawing it-it's easy for me. I like making expressions and clothes. But I don't JUST want to do that or JUST be known for that. So I'm livid. But at the same time when I draw it I'm very happy. I'm torn inside! TORN! SHATTERED! I have no idea how I'm going to concentrate on this stuff, and I have no idea if I'll ever finish something, and I totally want to join all those online websites but I have NOTHING to show for it. NOTHING! Not like this awesome artist, Hyung Tae Kim. T_T

*sob!!!!* I HATE THIS LIFE!!!

....not really. But I'm pretty pissed right now.However this song is pretty uplifting. GO NARUTO!

So here's a comic page. I dunno if I'm going to stick with it-it took me awhile to draw so either I'm rusty or need to practice more.

I'm excited though and just wanted to post this asap!

I'm going to create the character bios so I can post them too so you know who these guys are. *hint one is an awesome greek god!*

Did you guys read about that one website that only allow beautiful people to join and in order to join ppl need to say okay to ur uploaded pics within 24hours? And did you hear that they kicked off like 5000 people because they let themselves go during the holidays?

And how the founder of the site was saying that they can't let 'fatties roam the site'. I admire that at least in the interview he says they're elitest and lookist-at least they're honest but I can't agree with the whole idea of that website.

I know that myself would never make it in that site due to their standards but it's just so angryfiying how people allow themselves to be judged by others as far as if they're 'lovable' or beautiful. And believe me I know what it's like to be considered ugly and not lovable--oh believe me on that.

But you know what? I grew up. Beauty is in everything! And it comes in all shapes and sizes and forms. In fact, I think to figure out who you are and then not back down from it and just be the shining light that we all are; now that's beauty.

But I remember how hard it was to keep reminding myself that when I saw everyone else so happy.

I think this music video sums it up about what I believe; man I just chills watching it again (with English subs! yeah!).

BTW, I think Miku is absolutely adorable! I love his hair! I love this band!

I was walking and hit me what to do-now I just need to draw it yeah? Haha.
But I must confess to this...

Okay so get this.

I had to go to Walmart to get a plunger right cuz SOMEBODY (not me!) in this apartment had to clog the toilet and break the plunger before. I tried that whole soap and warm water trick-yeah didn't quite work. And I thought bubbles were gonna be everywhere!

Anyways, on my way walking to Walmart-because I hate driving in Walmart parking lots (FREAKING RIDICULOUS!) I pass by a F.Y.E store. Well I go in just wondering what's new and I make a beeline towards the anime section right.

Okay.

Congrats to me for NOT buying that Naruto Keychain or the shinobi leaf belt buckle. Omg, I almost got it and I wanted to cry. I'm like IM SUCH A NERD! I mean, I have a legend of zelda triforce belt buckle but that's because my cousin gave it to me and of course how could I decline such an offer?

ANYWAYS...

I was rushing out of there when BOOM! My eye hit the item glowing on the shelf. It was sparkling! It was beckoning me and I justified the purchase. After all in my head were the words of Chris Batey that we should have something that totally transports us and lets us know we're in a different world. Some people have like 1800s gloves, some have viking hats, me. I have this.

This that says, I ain't taking no for an answer. You don't want ta be gamblin' witcha health by messin' with me. THIS! THIS is the symbol of awesomeness-of dedication! Only superiors are allowed to be part of this-if you ain't someone you ain't nothing!!!

And what did I get?

An Akatsuki snuggie.

I'M SO ASHAMED but at the same time I'm not.

It's the oddest feeling.

I know these things look so stupid and it's like worse if you thrown on Naruto Shippuden merchandise on it but I can't resist being elated!

Plus, I can't handle the cold. I'm a desert child-I can stand the heat no problem. 100degrees? Tch, that's nice. But if its 71degrees I'm freezing-I'm gone. And my boyfriend likes to be cheap and not have the heat on. So I'm in a snugge, with a Kingdom Hearts Raschel (yes I bought that awhile ago), with a superhero Hello kitty raschel on top of that.

Now I can't feel the cold so much I can enjoy my coke (and COKE only! Pepsi's not the same!)

On the plus side I decided to post a youtube video more frequently about songs that are awesome-just for mine and your enjoyment. I've got a WIDE range of music I love so maybe you'll find something you like too.

Enjoy-I'm gonna continue sitting here wrapped in my new snuggie.

I'm going to post more later tonight because I have a lot to say but I just want to put up this video. It's one of my favorite songs from AWESOME Jay Chou (I'm a HUGE HUGE HUGE FAN)! I'm trying to learn the lyrics but uh chinese isn't easy for me at all.

It's a weird music video but I'm not going to lie; the sparkles on the instruments made me sooo happy! Such a cheasy but my favorite effect!

Here are the English translations (its such a sweet song!!!)

"Maltose"

This creeping smile embraces the hills
The streams sing songs with the wind
I am like a countryside poet explaining the life in front of my eyes
The wheat fields stoop and lower their heads fishing for tenderness, the whole valley is a flute player
I am speechless listening to the legends following the fairy tales

The windmill in the distance
Tells me from a far distance
That happiness in deep autumn
Is fully reaped
The corner of the old warehouse
We are counting
A hemp bag of love and happiness
The colour of first love

I hold your hand passing by
The hillside growing maltose
The fragrant and thick temptation
Your cheeks are slightly hot
Aspirating into my ears
Picking thoroughly ripened maltose
When I wake up I’m still smiling
Happy
Hands have become sticky
My whole mouth
Is full of candy

I hold your hand passing by
The hillside growing maltose
Sweetness all around
I lower my head in shyness
Our happy dream walk
I am on the meadow drinking
Wine brewed from maltose
The tender
Childhood
I really wanted to
Take another bite

I love you

My whole mouth
Is full of candy
I really wanted to
Take another bite

Okay, I'm so tired right now-I havn't slept at all yet and drank a cup of coffee and as we all know, coffee makes me dead tired. But I gotta get this off my chest.

It must be said. I can't stand to keep quiet anymore.

Oh no, I cannot.

MASASHI KISHIMOTO YOU BETTER NOT MAKE HINATA NARUTO'S GAL! 

ARGH! I've been googling pictures for Naruto in general and for him in sage mode and BOOM! I keep running across pages and pages of Naruto and Hinata together and this dumb name combo thing that Hollywood is so fond of- "Naruhina". NO! NO! NO!

I don't care if she FINALLY admitted to him that she loved him (cuz all that fainting wasn't a SIGN or anything) but ARGH! ARGH!

I would love it if at the end Sakura finally said okay to Naruto that'd be awesome. Fiery personality + fiery personality = burn, baby, burn! It'd also be awesome if she really wound up with Sasuke-I got no problem with that. Naruto could turn gay, could make that kiss with Sasuke more, or even like Ino for some reason but NOT HINATA!

Simply put. I don't like her. Yeah her power is cool, yeah she really is training to fight.

But I don't like meek girls. I don't like girls who faint every time. I don't like meek voices (man this rant sounds famiilar....). I don't like just the whole meek thing that's totally emphasized! I mean I HATE it; but then again I was never one to remain meek myself.

Yes sometimes I'm shy and quiet but THAT doesn't mean inside I'm totally like a wimp! I dunno! It's just the way she's portrayed that makes me soooo mad. Maybe it's because I'm like is this what guys want huh?! Some little fragile thing they have to protect? To take that shy girl and pull her out of her esteem issues?!

Oh no but that's cool cuz she's got more T n A than Sakura.

If that's the case then I could never keep my man and then couldn't EVER get one!

NAH SON! THAT AIN'T HAPPENING!

AAAAAAAAAAARGH! If Kishimoto pulls through and Hinata's his girl I'm gonna smash my fist through a wall. Or a KICK! HIYAH!

So I gotta a lot to post. I may put two posts up today so I don't have this SUPER LONG one. But. okay

DAWN OF MANA ART ROCKS!

I was browsing yesterday about....something. I dunno I was Google-ing a lot like on quantum physics theory (Schrodinger's cat is by far the most interesting to me), greek mythology vs Christianity, picture books for older people, how to write for comics, Eros, ooh sport body armor ..but Okay I went to Creative Uncut and just randomly chose Dawn of Mana and BOOM!

I love those renders and concepts. I was like say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? That character Keldy is beautiful! I love the colors, I defintealy like the style, and I LOVE how you can tell he's all about nature. The wooden shoes, the vines on his arms-the bow I saw in one of the renders, intricate wood but still very primal looking. I love his little feather dealie on his head. And the half shirt-oh yes makes me giggle because I think of Sai.

So now I need to find more pictures and hopefully play the game. A ps2 game shouldn't cost too much so...I'm just worried about gameplay. There's plenty of games out there with beautiful art to me but I can't play because I hate the mechanics of it. Fail on the fun factor. Haha.

I love stylize games many times just because it's quite easy to get something looking real-I mean it's not EASY but if you can use like Mental ray in maya and stick a bump,spec, diffuse map on it-if you use photo references or if you're a painting guru you handpaint it or do a combo then it's like cool. But to me, it's like well it's so real it's kinda boring. So if you can make it look good as a particular style, I mean there's nothing really limiting you. So like Okami is amazing and Windwaker-oh IT'S SO CUTE! Spirit Tracks-must play!

I also found out that Nao Ikeda, the designer for Dawn of Mana characters is sub character designer for FFXIII characters. Personally I really like the way Maqui and Snow look like that she designed. Very awesome!

And while I was dabbling in Creative Uncut-I ran into Tales of Abyss characters-and OMG the red headed dude-half shirt and utterly adorable as a chibi. That artist apparently happens to be Fujishima, who was also the artist on Oh my Goddess, whom my friend said that his very awesome art was inspired by Alfonso Mucha, father of art noveau (and who happens to have very beautiful bowl/utensil designs). Crazy how stuff links up huh?! Haha.

On a practically unrelated note, I'm working on making this blog more artisy. So I'm working on my 'mascot' character I suppose. I don't have very good ones like akirceo does with his Miao Wafupafu one (LOVE his blog). But i realized that I really like characters with face paint or face tattoos. Like a lot. I'm like somethings missing and BOOM! face paint makes me happy on them. Hahaha.

So yes. I love Naruto in Sage mode! AAAAAAAAAGH he's so adorable! But on this drawing I found his pupils are oriented the wrong way. Still! He's cute! Way cute! Go artist!

More to post, but where to start? Aiyah....